Everybody relax, I’m here.

Jack Burton: Great. Walls are probably three feet thick, welded shut from the outside, and covered with brick by now!
Wang Chi: Don’t give up, Jack!
Jack Burton: OK, I won’t, Wang! Let’s just CHEW our way out of here.

May the Wings of Liberty never lose a feather

Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, “Give me your best shot. I can take it.

Hey, I’m a reasonable guy. But I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things.

SHUT UP, Mr Burton!

Jack Burton: What is that stuff?
Egg Shen: It is black blood of earth.
Jack Burton: You mean oil?
Egg Shen: No, I mean black blood of earth.

Only a dream can kill a dream.

What does that mean? Huh? China is here, I don’t even know what the hell that means. All I know is this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a g*dd*mn ally while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth.

Jack Burton: and go off and rule the universe from beyond the grave…
Lo Pan: Indeed
Jack Burton: or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first huh.

Not so fast, gentlemen! We got enough people droppin’ like flies around here, and where’s that getting us, huh? Nowhere…fast. You know what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like this?

Now I’m not saying that I’ve been everywhere and I’ve done everything, but I do know it’s a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we’re alone in THIS universe.

Egg Shen: It will come out no more!
Jack Burton: What? HUH? What will come out no more?
Egg Shen: …
Jack Burton: Dammit!

All I know is that this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a g*dd*mn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds while he just STANDS there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!

Well, you see I’m not saying that I’ve been everywhere and I done everything. But I do know it’s a pretty amazing planet we live on here, and a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we’re all alone in this universe.

Pinstripe lawyer: Okay. But if I’m gonna be your attorney, then there are a few things I need to make clear. Like… you really believe in magic?
Egg Shen: You mean Chinese black magic?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes, I suppose.
Egg Shen: Oh, absolutely.
Pinstripe lawyer: And, uh, things like spooks and demons and goblins?
Egg Shen: Oh, sure. And sorcery.
Pinstripe lawyer: And I suppose you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?
Egg Shen: Of course!
Pinstripe lawyer: Why?
Egg Shen: Because it’s real.
Pinstripe lawyer: How can I know that, Mr. Shen?
Egg Shen: How?
Pinstripe lawyer: Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?
Egg Shen: See? That was nothing. But that’s how it always begins. Very small.

Jack Burton: What’s in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?
Egg Shen: Yeah.
Jack Burton: Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it?
Egg Shen: Yeah!
Jack Burton: Good, thought so.

Would you just stop rubbing your body up against mine, because I can’t concentrate when you do that.

You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.

That’s why the bottle didn’t slice. My mind and my spirit are goin’ north and south.

Nothin’ or double, Jack.

You know what Jack Burton always says… what the hell?

Wang Chi: Here’s to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here’s to America’s colors, the colors that never run.
Jack Burton: May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.

Play your cards right… you live to talk about it!

Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?

Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.

Jack Burton: Oh my god. What is that? Don’t tell me!
Egg Shen: A guardian. Whatever it sees, Lo Pan knows!

Lo Pan: What does it mean? Two girls with green eyes. After all these years.
Gracie: You b*st*rd, unchain me. You’re not gonna get away with this. Where’s Lo Pan?
Lo Pan: This one has fire as well!

I feel good, and I’m not scared at all. I just feel kind of… kind of invincible… Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Ready Jack?

Jack Burton: Hollow?
Wang Chi: Hollow.
Jack Burton: F*** it.

This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I’m talkin’ to whoever’s listenin’ out there.

Eddie: Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces.
Jack Burton: Hell of being what?
Eddie: Chinese have a lot of Hells.
Wang Chi: Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can’t pay you today, OK?
Jack Burton: Oh sh*t.
Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.
Eddie: And it’s gonna cost. She’s got green eyes.
Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that’s an extra to these people. It’s like leather bucket seats, it’s double the price.

What the hell!

Like I told my last wife, I said, “Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides… it’s all in the reflexes.

Indeed!

Ready? I was BORN ready.

I’m gonna tell you about my truck, and I DON’T wanna hear “act of God”!

It’s all in the reflexes.

Jack Burton: Henry Swanson’s my name, and excitement’s my game.
White Tiger: Cash or charge?
Jack Burton: Oh gosh, cash I guess. I mean it’s not deductible is it.

Tall guy, weird cloths. First you see him, then you don’t.

Margo: This is just so shocking. I mean I must just be so monumentally naive.
Eddie: You are.

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye, and asks you if you paid your dues; you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yes sir, the check is in the mail.

You just listen to the old Pork Chop Express here now and take his advice on a dark and stormy night when the lightning’s crashin’ and the thunder’s rollin’ and the rain’s coming down in sheets thick as lead. Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, “Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.

Jack Burton: Hey Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings…
Wang Chi: The Chang Sings
Jack Burton: …they have enimies?
Wang Chi: The Wing Kong
Jack Burton: Who wear red turbans?

We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn’t we, Wang?

And now, my beloved disciples. The moment of truth… the needle of love.

Okay, I get the picture White Tigers, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits throwing plastic explosives while poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see Charlie Chan, Fu Manchu and a hundred howlin’ monkey temples, and that’s just for starters, right? Fine! I’m back! I’m ready, goddammit let me at ’em!

Uncle Chu: What the hell is Gracie Law doing here?
Jack Burton: She can’t get enough of me.
Gracie: Hah! He wishes.

Egg Shen: Can see things no one else can see. Do things no one else can do.
Jack Burton: Real things?
Egg Shen: As real as Lo Pan!
Jack Burton: Hey, what more can a guy ask for?
Egg Shen: Oh, a six-demon bag!
Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What’s in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!

Gracie: I’d go with you but…
Jack Burton: I know, there’s a problem with your face.

Son of a b*tch must pay!

I’m a reasonable guy. But, I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things.

What does that mean? Huh? “China is here.” I don’t even know what the hell that means.

This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I’m talkin’ to whoever’s out there.

This is going to take crackerjack timing.

Jack Burton: You know what ol’ Jack Burton says at a time like this?
Thunder: Who?
Jack Burton: Jack Burton… ME!

Now this really pisses me off to no end!

Jack Burton: I don’t get this at all. I thought Lo Pan.
Lo Pan: Shut up Mr Burton! You were not brought upon this world to get it!

Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’
Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.

Oops. No bullets! What do you think- I’m f*ckin’ stupid Hans.

He wasn’t lying about Marco. He’s down on the street. The other one was Heinrich. And his bag is missing.

Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

Karl: They’re using artillery on us!
Hans Gruber: You idiot, it’s not the police. It’s *him*!

You asked for miracles, I give you… the FBI.

[from trailer]
The Warlock: [to Matt] Why did you bring a cop to my command center?
John McClane: [laughs] It’s a basement!
The Warlock: [angrily] Who is this man?

John McClane: You would have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.
Hans Gruber: What was it you said to me earlier? “Yippie-kay-ya, motherf***er.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.

Just like I heard your brother squeal. When I broke his f***ing neck.

I am going to count to three, there will not be a four. Give me the code.

A hundred million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

Hans Gruber: You *can* unlock the vault, can’t you?
Theo: You didn’t bring me along for my charming personality.

John McClane: Is the building on fire?
Sergeant Al Powell: No, but it’s gonna need a paint job and a sh*t load of screen doors.

Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.

Ginny: Woah. That guy looks *really* pissed.
Holly Gennero McClane: He’s still alive.
Ginny: What?
Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can drive somebody that crazy.

When they land we blow up the roof, they spend a month sifting through rubble, and by the time they work out what went wrong, we’ll be sitting on a beach, earning twenty percent.

Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed.

Hans Gruber: This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
John McClane: That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

John McClane: Son of a *****! Fist with your toes.

[imitating his wife’s request] Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.

Why didn’t you try to stop ’em, John?? Because then you’d be dead too, asshole!! Think goddammit, think!

(Impersonating a hostage) You don’t work for Nakatomi, and if you’re not one of them?

No one kills him but me! Understood?

That’s a nice suit. It’d be a shame to ruin it

Now I know how a TV dinner feels.

Nice suit. John Phillips, London. I have two myself. Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.

Why don’t you take THIS under consideration, motherf*cker?!?

Joseph Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?
Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?

Al Powell: You ain’t pissing in somebody’s pool, are you?
John McClane: Yeah, and I’m fresh out of chlorine.

You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?

What was it you said before? Yippi-ki-yay, motherf—er.

Oh god I hope that’s not a hostage

Sergeant Al Powell: Right now you should fight, ****, or hit the fence. And I suggest you hit the fence.

I’m Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.

[After C4 Explosion] Tell me you got that!

(Points gun at John) Put down the gun and give me my detonators.

John McClane: I guess I was wrong about you. You’re not such an asshole after all.
Grant: Oh, you were right about me. I’m just your kind of asshole.

Oh my God, the quarterback is toast.

Only John can make somebody that crazy.

Glass, who gives a sh*t about glass?

Hans Gruber: You ask for a miracle, I give you the FBI

I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.

No f*cking sh*t lady does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?!

John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.

John McClane: Geronimo, Mother****er!

We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

Zeus: Ain’t no riddle gonna solve this mother****er?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Big Johnson: Just like f***in’ Saigon ain’t it, Slick?
Little Johnson: I was in junior high, dickhead.

(On the radio) You are most troublesome for a security guard.

Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. cowboy?

Mr. Takagi, I could talk about men’s fashion and industrialization all day but I’m afraid work must intrude, and my associate Theo has some questions for you, sort of fill in the blanks questions…

In fact, I think he’s a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he’s definitely a badge.

Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.” Benefits of a classical education.

Supervisor: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only…
John McClane: No f***ing sh*t, lady. Do I sound like I’m ordering a pizza?

[Reading what McClane wrote on the dead terrorist’s shirt] “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

After all this, you’re just a common thief.

Who said we were terrorists?

Hans Gruber: You an American?
John McClane: Only if New Jersey counts.

Who’s driving this car, Stevie Wonder?

FBI Agent Johnson: Figure we take out the terrorists. Lose twenty, twenty-five percent of the hostages.
FBI Special Agent Johnson: I can live with that.

I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.

Takagi: You’ll just have to kill me.
Hans Gruber: Okay.

Mr Takagi, I could talk about industrialization and men’s fashion all day. However, I am far more interested in the 100 million dollars in negotiable bearer bonds hidden in your vault… and the computer controls the vault.

Edith: What about my dreams?
Dewey Cox: Edith I told you I can’t build your candy house! It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won’t work!

C’mon baby, come ta’ papa, I’ll kiss ya’ f***in’ dalmatian.

John McClane: Merry Christmas, Argyle.
Argyle: Merry Christmas.
Argyle: Man, if this is their idea of Christmas, I *gotta* be here for New Year’s.

No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!!!