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The Best And Funniest Bo Burnham Quotes

Here’s a selection of Bo Burnham Quotes, covering topics such as songs, inspiration and laughter.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

The thing is, I always thought I could do stand-up, and so I just stayed focused on the belief that I could succeed.

I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I’m thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited p*ssy.

Comedy is very strange to me and I don’t fully understand it’s purpose or function.

I grew up listening to Steve Martin and Robin Williams, so I didn’t ever intend to be a musical comedian. I sort of stumbled into it.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

I enjoy stand up so much because I take time off, and then I’ll be excited to go back to it.


when I was little,
i killed ants with a magnifying glass.
and now i’m big.
and I worry i’m doing the same thing with you.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a ‘sociopath.’

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

Bombs the first bomb dropped unheard, unlike the loudly dropped second and third; then the final bomb dropped from the sky to the ground and the last-seen bomb made the last-heard sound.

If I had posted my first video a week later, I don’t know if it would have spread like it did. That’s why, with everything I do, I try to enjoy the making of it instead of worrying about the release and reception.

I love you just the way you are
but you don’t see you like I do.
you shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect.
trust me, perfect should try to be you.

You can give poor people this royal wedding to watch and make them feel good about themselves, or you can give them something useful like, I don’t know… a toaster.

How fitting, she thought, that her words,
after tumbling in her head all day,
came out shrunken
like they were meant for a child.

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

I masturbate ’cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

For me, the only value a celebrity has, or any artist or actor or anything, is the things that they make, you know?

You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you.

A few people know me, and the few people that do know me only know me because they dig my stuff.

Forever and an instant met up one day,
had a short, but lovely talk,
then each went on it’s way.

I’ll stop when I think I’m not doing good stuff. I’ll never exploit something just because people like it.

I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great, such a great dude, and really funny.

If you were perfect, i’d tattoo this on my chest. If you were beautiful, i’d carve this into a tree trunk. If you were nice, i’d write this in a letter. But you’re none of those.

The Internet is so crazy, and you’re exposed to so many things. In an hour, you can really jump around.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know bo’s a feminist.

Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.

There’s only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same.

Fireflies hey, fireflies! fly higher, guys! fly high above this place. Till a sky rise is a wire’s size. Then fly off into space. I catch stupid bugs in jars but you’re not bugs you’re baby stars!.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

i like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? speaking? yeah, I dig it.

Postmodern comedy doesn’t work well with very old audiences, because it’s making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.

Imagination they say adults have no imagination. Not true. Just instead of dinosaurs and spaceships, they imagine silence and the new babysitter bent over the coffee table.

Your afraid of sharks?
they don’t even have bones!
they have cartilage.
are you afraid of ears too?.

With ‘Words, Words, Words,’ that show was me experimenting with something, and then there was a clear direction for me.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.

I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.

I love Tim Minchin, Bill Bailey, and Hans Teeuwen, and I’m trying to synthesise elements of theatre into my show a little bit more.

Being famous is complete luck, and that’s something you can’t bank on.

Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

My rabbit’s foot i’ve got a rabbit’s foot and I feel lucky that I have it, but I still know that it must’ve come from one unlucky rabbit.

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

They “well, man, you know what they say.” no, I don’t. I don’t know what they say. I don’t even know who they are. Who is this they? they seem pretty smug. They seem to think they know sh*t. f*ck them.

Basically, I don’t like to tweet stuff about my life. I only like to tweet jokes.

The unlimited amount of information that I have access to has also given me an unlimited threshold for how I need to be stimulated.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.

I’d much rather wait till my material is up to par, in my opinion, than rush it just so I can stay in the limelight a little longer.

I don’t want to put meaning on what I do because I don’t know what it is.

You how, may I ask, did you get so you, you beautiful true-to-you doer? i’ve met many today but can honestly say that i’ve never met anyone you-er.

Since I got an audience before I even had a comic voice, my material that really wasn’t worthy of an audience somehow got it, slightly unfairly.

How, may I ask, did you get so you,
you beautiful true-to-you doer?
i’ve met many today but can honestly say
that i’ve never met anyone you-er.

Life, to me, doesn’t feel like a straightforward story; it doesn’t make sense for me to get up there and just tell a story. Life feels like what my show feels like: chaotic and strange and disconnected.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

I’m bored way too easily. I’m staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?

We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I’m also open to the fact that maybe it’s just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I’m not a complete hypocrite.

Perfect I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.

I’m grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.

The strength of comedy is I don’t have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

It feels like we’re always juggling many pieces of information at once or trying out many personas at once. It makes life slightly nonlinear.

I like to joke about being gay because it’s something teenagers would never joke about.

If I was confronted with some 20-year-old American hotshot, I’d hate him.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn’t just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Searching i’m not looking in every nook and cranny for it. I’ll do the nooks. No way I left my keys in some f*cking cranny.

Judge jesus I said, “you can’t judge me. Only jesus can!” he said, “well I can ’cause i’m a judge and ’cause you just killed a man.

The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

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