50 of Our Favorite Rick and Morty Quotes

Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all going to die. Come watch TV.

Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.

All right, all right, cool it! I see what’s happening here. You’re both young, you’re both unsure about your place in the universe, and you both want to be Grandpa’s favorite. I can fix this. Morty, sit here. Summer, you sit here. Now, listen—I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grandpa’s concerned, you’re both pieces of sh*t! Yeah. I can prove it mathematically. Actually, l-l-let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming, anyways.

What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: Don’t think about it.

It’s like the N word and the C word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.

Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and your *n*l cavity is still taut yet malleable.

Morty: I mean, why would a Pop-Tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be like the scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?
Rick: You’re missing the point Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.

Morty: I just killed my family! I don’t care who they were!
Rick: I dunno, some people would pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.

Those guys are inside you building a piece of sh*t Ethan!! They’re inside you building a monument to compromise!! f*ck them. f*ck those people. f*ck this whole thing Ethan.

He’s not pressing charges… That’s gotta be the “you shot me” equivalent of not being mad.

I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe?

I don’t like it here Morty. I can’t abide bureaucracy. I don’t like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?

I’m sorry, Morty. It’s a bummer. In reality you’re as dumb as they come.

Its a device Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people’s dreams Morty. Its just like that movie that you keep crowing about

Well then get your sh*t together. Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your sh*t, so it’s together. …and if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere ya know? Take it to the sh*t store and sell it, or put it in a sh*t museum. I don’t care what you do, you just gotta get it together… Get your sh*t together.

You’re growing up fast, Morty. You’re going into a great big thorn straight into my *ss…

Why would I negotiate with you?! Rick: Because we are both rational adults who don’t want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield.

Life is effort and I’ll stop when I die!

Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain.

We all remember you as a friend.

Yeah! I’ve got about a thousand memories of your dumb little *ss and about six of them are pleasant. The rest is annoying garbage. So why don’t you do us both a favor and pull the trigger? Do it! Do it, motherf*cker! Pull the f*cking trigger!

We’ve got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.

Get off the high road Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.

Beth: Dad, why does our house have blast shields?
Rick: Trust me Beth, you don’t want to know how many answers that question has.

Morty: You sold a gun to a murderer so you could play video games?
Rick: Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad, Morty.

Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard Morty then it slowly fades leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are going to do it. Break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science.

Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty. Lot of people don’t get that.

Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.

Morty: What’s wrong Rick? Is it the quantum carburetor or something?
Rick: Quantum carburetor? Jesus Morty, you can’t just add a sci-fi word to a car word and hope it means something. Looks like something’s wrong with the micro-verse battery.

I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: it’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says, ‘2 + 2,’ and the people in the back say, ‘4.’ Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.

There is no god, Summer; gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later.

Wubba lubba dub dub!

Morty: Can I show you something?
Summer: Morty, no offence, but a drawing of me you made when you were eight isn’t gonna make me feel like less of an accident!
Morty: [points outside] THAT, out there? That’s my grave.
Summer: [understandably confused] Wait, what?
Morty: On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. So we bailed on that reality and we came to this one. Because in this one, the world wasn’t destroyed. And in this one, we were dead. So we came here, a-an-an-and we buried ourselves and we took their place. And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse!
Summer: So…you’re not my brother?
Morty: I’m better than your brother. I’m a version of your brother you can trust when he says, “Don’t run.” Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. [beat] …Come watch TV?”

The world is full of idiots who don’t understand what’s important, and they’ll tear us apart, Morty. But if ya stick with me, I’m gonna accomplish great things, Morty. And you’re gonna be part of ’em, and together we’re gonna run around, Morty, we’re gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We’re the only *URP* friends we’ve got, Morty! It’s just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty! Rick and Morty forever and forever a hundred years Rick and Morty some things. Me and Rick and Morty runnin’ around and, Rick and Morty time, all day long forever, all a hundred days Rick and Morty forever a hundred times, over and over Rick and Morty adventures dot com, www.rickandmorty.com, www Rick and Morty adventures, all hundred years, every minute Rick and Morty dot com, www hundred time Rick and Morty dot com.

Wait, wait, stop! H-Hold it! Not like this. We need a hang glider, and a crotchless Uncle Sam costume, and I want the entire field of your largest stadium covered end to end with naked redheads, and I want the stands packed with every man that remotely resembles my father.

Morty: Uh, what’s that?
Rick: This’ll make the cops write it up as a looting by the korblocks.
Summer:That’s horrible!
Rick: I hear you, man. Cops are racist.

Unity, I’m sorry. I didn’t know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks. I was thinking more of a ‘choose your own cellphone carrier’ thing.

Fun’s fun, but who needs it? I’ll be in the garage.

They’re robots Morty! It’s okay to shoot them! They’re just robots!
It’s a figure of speech, Morty! They’re bureaucrats! I don’t respect them. Just keep shooting, Morty! You have no idea what prison is like here!

What is my purpose?” “You pass butter.” “Oh god…” “Welcome to the club pal.

I’ve never seen that thing in my life! Run, Morty, we’re gonna die!

R: Aww yeah, distress beacon! Euuggghup, yeah baby!
M: You’re excited about that?
R: The first rule of space travel, kids, is always check out distress beacons. Nine out of ten times it’s a ship full of dead aliens and a BUNCH OF FREE sh*t! One out of ten times it’s a deadly trap but I am ready to roll those dice!

Morty… I had to— I had to do ih… I had t— I had— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb. We’re gonna drop it down there, just… get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a whole fresh start.

What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

Morty: Uh, morning Frank.
Frank: “Morning”? What was that supposed to mean? You making fun of me? Are you trying to say my family is poor?

I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you want to… grab him and… stuff him under a mattress like last month’s Victoria’s Secret?!

You’re a monster. You’re like Hitler but even Hitler cared about Germany or something!

Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it’s not like he’s a hot girl, he can’t just bail on his life and set up shop in someone’s else’s.

Rick: I’m a genius, I build robots for fun.
Jerry: Well, now you can build baskets, watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally scar the boy scouts every christmas.
Rick: What does that mean?
Jerry: It’s personal.