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From Jackie Gleason To Burt Reynolds: Smokey And The Bandit Quotes

Here’s a selection of Smokey And The Bandit Quotes, covering topics such as movies, truckers, love and life.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer… named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower… with a girl… and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

For the good old American life: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.

Big Enos: Son, you’re looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.Buford T.
Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

Cledus Snow: Besides, I can’t go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.

Bandit: Snowman, you got your ears on?
Cledus Snow: You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?

This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.
Buford T. Justice

Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: I hope your g*dd*mn head was in it.

Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.Buford T.
Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin’.Buford T.
Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there’s just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, ’cause I’ve been chased by the best of them, and son, you make ’em look like they’re all runnin’ in slow motion. I just wanna say that.Buford T.
Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullsh*t is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

You sum-bitches couldn’t close an umbrella.
Buford T. Justice

Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don’t I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.

Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?Buford T.
Justice: You bet your *ss on that, boy.

You sum b*tch. You did that on purpose. You’re going away ’till you’re gray. I got the evidence.
Buford T. Justice

Bandit: Now, gettin’ to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that’s no problem.
Little Enos: It ain’t never been done before, hot sh*t.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.

Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I’m in a god-damn hurry.
Buford T. Justice

Little Enos: Well, if you can’t do it…
Bandit: That’s real good psychology. Why don’t you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly…

What the hell is the world coming to?
Buford T. Justice

Daddy! Wait! Who’s gonna hold your hat?

Buford T.
Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.Buford T.
Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.

Cledus Snow: Whoa!
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?

I’m gonna barbecue your *ss in molasses.
Buford T. Justice

Bandit: Cledus, get the money.
Little Enos: How ’bout double or nothin’?
Bandit: Wait a minute. What about double or nothin’?
Little Enos: You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.
Carrie: You’re on.
Bandit: Uh, you’re on.
Big Enos: In 18 hours?
Bandit: You’re still on.

Buford T.
Justice: And don’t go home, and don’t go to eat, and don’t play with yourself. It wouldn’t look nice on my highway.Buford T.
Justice: Now, you can THINK about it… but don’t do it!

Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit b*st*rd!
Buford T. Justice

Buford T.
Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker.
Junior: Except for that…Buford T.
Justice: Shut your *ss.

Oh I love your suits. It must have been a b*tch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.

Duck, or you’ll be talkin’ out your *ss.
Buford T. Justice

Cledus Snow: Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain’t never been done before.
Bandit: That’s cause *we* ain’t never done it.
Cledus Snow: Suppose we don’t make it?
Bandit: Hey, we ain’t never not made it before, have we?

Waynette Snow: No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin’ with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I’m talking to you!
Bandit: I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you’re tryin’ to pick up a radio station in Savannah.

Carrie: Don’t you ever take off that stupid hat?
Bandit: I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.
Carrie: Oh…
Carrie: Take your hat off.
Carrie: I mean, If you want to…
Bandit: I want to.

Gimme $500 on the Bandit.

There’s no way, no WAY that you came from my loins.
Buford T. Justice

Buford T.
Justice: You want something?
Junior: Hush puppies, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: We don’t got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!

I think I’m in love with your belt buckle.

There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.
Buford T. Justice

Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.

Bandit: I’m goin’ to need a fast car.
Bandit: Faster than that.
Little Enos: I’d like to kick his *ss just one time.

Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

That’s an attention-getter.
Buford T. Justice

What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
Buford T. Justice

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