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The Best, Funny And Sweet Chocolate Quotes

Here’s a selection of Chocolate Quotes, covering topics such as food, enjoying yourself, guilt, love and life.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won’t die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn’t have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright

Eating chocolate can have significant influences on mood, generally leading to an increase in pleasant feelings and a reduction in tension.
Peter Rogers

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight.
Jason Love

Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power…it is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits.
Baron Justus Von Liebig

You want to give me chocolate and flowers? That would be great. I love them both. I just don’t want them out of guilt, and I don’t want them if you’re not going to give them to all the people who helped mother our children.
Anne Lamott

I adore dark chocolate.
Diane von Furstenberg

Chocolate says “i’m sorry” so much better than words.
Rachel Vincent

My music is like a baby pink frosted cake with sprinkles, but when you cut into it, there’s a gooey, dark chocolate center.
Melanie Martinez

Always serve too much hot fudge sauce on hot fudge sundaes.
it makes people overjoyed, and puts them in your debt.
Judith Olney

If there’s no chocolate in heaven, i’m not going.
Jane Seabrook

I used to dirt bike a lot. I can’t do that anymore. Can’t eat a whole lot of chocolate anymore, either. I can’t be in ‘Indiana Jones’ and be a fatso!
Shia LaBeouf

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food.
Michael Levine

The end is nigh!” the man shouted.
“is there still time for hot chocolate?” riley asked.
the-end-is-nigh guy blinked. “ah, maybe, I don’t know.
Jana Oliver

I honestly eat chocolate all day long. I do realize how blessed I am to be able to eat what I want and not have to live in the gym.
Joyce Giraud

I think that Shake Shack wouldn’t exist had it not been for Twitter. I don’t think you would have gotten a hundred New Yorkers to stand in line for an hour if they couldn’t have made their time really productive and organized snowball fights, ordered free hot chocolate, and, you know, Instagrammed photos.
Danny Meyer

Chocolate is like medicine – but as with medicine, the key is the proper dose. Don’t overdo it.
Edward (Grandpa) Jones

I hate going out for lunch during a workday because it slows down my pace and ruins my rhythm. I prefer to eat at my desk. Actually, I wander around the design studio with a plate in my hand as I dine on, for example, salmon sashimi and a salad of tomatoes and mozzarella. I often have a bit of dark chocolate after lunch.
Tom Ford

More than any other food, chocolate delights and enchants … chocolate tantalizes and it comforts. Chocolate has soothed fretful children and welcomed tired travelers; mountain climbers have saved their last piece of chocolate to celebrate reaching new heights; suitors have given chocolate to show the depth of their devotion. Chocolate has been used as a stimulant, an aphrodisiac, and [even] a form of currency.
Neva Beach

Like magic, she felt him getting nearer, felt it like a pull in the pit of her stomach. It felt like hunger but deeper, heavier. Like the best kind of expectation. Ice cream expectation. Chocolate expectation.
Sarah Addison Allen

Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.
John Milton

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.
Dave Barry

Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.
Milton Snavely Hershey

You know, I live a monastic lifestyle. No, I do. I do live in extremes, basically. I go back and forth. Once every six months, I’ll have a day where I eat more chocolate than has ever been consumed by a human being.
Jim Carrey

Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.
Jo Brand

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.
Catherine Aitken

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin

Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate!
Elaine Sherman

My beauty secret is… nothing! I don’t drink too much water. I don’t eat very well. Sometimes I cheat and grab some chocolate. The best thing is to eat what you want, but not very much.
Yoko Ono

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can’t remember what they are.
Matt Lauer

I’m grateful for every day I’m still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it’s the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on.
Joan Rivers

Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.
Cherise Sinclair

Chocolate knows no boundaries; speaks all languages; comes in all sizes; is woven through many cultures and disciplines … it impacts mood, health, and economics, and it is a part of our lives from early childhood through the elderly years.
Herman A. Berliner

Whether it’s the experiments on ‘MythBusters’ or my earlier work in special effects for movies, I’ve regularly had to do things that were never done before, from designing complex motion-control rigs to figuring out how to animate chocolate.
Adam Savage

I have to stop eating so much grilled cheese and chocolate chip cookies and start really working on everything!
Melanie Martinez

A little chocolate is like a love affair – an occasional sweet release that lightens the spirit. A lot of chocolate is like marriage – it seems so good at first but before you know it you’ve got chunky hips and a waddle-walk.
Linda Solegato

Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.

Strength is the capacity to break a hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.
Judith Viorst

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.
Linda Grayson

Just the other day, I was in my neighborhood starbucks, waiting for the post office to open. I was enjoying a chocolatey cafe mocha when it occurred to me that to drink a mocha is to gulp down the entire history of the new world. From the spanish exportation of aztec cacao, and the dutch invention of the chemical process for making cocoa, on down to the capitalist empire of hershey, pa, and the lifestyle marketing of seattle’s starbucks, the modern mocha is a bittersweet concoction of imperialism, genocide, invention, and consumerism served with whipped cream on top.
Sarah Vowell

After eating chocolate you feel godlike, as though you can conquer enemies, lead armies, entice lovers.
Emily Luchetti

My greatest strength is common sense. I’m really a standard brand – like Campbell’s tomato soup or Baker’s chocolate.
Katharine Hepburn

It’s not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let’s face it, far more reliable than a man.
Miranda Ingram

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
Regina Brett

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, ‘You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.’
Steven Wright

I was like a chocolate in a box, looking well behaved and perfect in place, all the while harboring a secret center.
Deb Caletti

Carefully prepared chocolate is as healthful a food as it is pleasant; that it is nourishing and easily digested; that it does not cause the same harmful effects to feminine beauty which are blamed on coffee, but is on the contrary a remedy for them.
Jean-Antheleme Brillat-Savarin

Will looked horrified. “what kind of monster could possibly hate chocolate?.
Cassandra Clare

Can I come back and see you sometime?”
“long as you bring me some chocolate,” gramma said, and smiled. “i’m partial to chocolate.”
“gramma, you’re diabetic.”
“i’m old, girl. Gonna die of something. Might as well be chocolate.
Rachel Caine

The greatest tragedies were written by the greeks and shakespeare…neither knew chocolate.
Sandra Boynton

Switzerland is a place where they don’t like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
Larry David

I think I do myself a disservice by comparing myself to Steve Jobs and Walt Disney and human beings that we’ve seen before. It should be more like Willy Wonka… and welcome to my chocolate factory.
Kanye West

Let’s face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.
Audrey Hepburn

Do I have chocolate chip cookies? Yes, I do. Do I have mint chocolate chip milkshakes? Yes, I do. I love them. They are fantastic. But when I have them, they’re worth it. I earned them. I did something. I worked out super hard. I stayed clean on food.
Jocko Willink

Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers.
Ben Strohecker

Reminiscent of childhood memories, luxury, sweetness and sensuality, chocolate is more than just a food–it is therapy.
Christelle Le Ru

I listened wide-eyed, stupid. Glowing by her voice in the dim light. If chocolate was a sound, it would’ve been constantine’s voice singing. If singing was a color, it would’ve been the color of that chocolate.
Kathryn Stockett

Yes, boys are a little like shoes. Why? well…they can be useful. But mainly…they are nice to look at. Getting the right one can be a lovely accessory to an outfit. There are times when you couldn’t do without them. And there are times when you’d rather do without them. Get the wrong ones and they can hurt. There are many types and often the ones that look the nicest are completely unpractical.
Rachel Hill

When you select the right kind of chocolate it is like giving your insides a hug. Everyone needs a chocolate hug.
Jean Kelsey

Without pain, how could we know joy?’ this is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.
John Green

Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
and it always feels good.
Lora Brody

What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate.
Katharine Hepburn

Chocolate: the poor mans’ champagne.
Daniel Worona

Chocolate is ground from the beans of happiness.
Terri Guillemets

I feel like there is this weird thing where celebrity involvement in political campaigns kind of goes together like peanut butter and chocolate. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad.
Rashida Jones

May your life be filled, as mine has been, with love and laughter; and remember, when things are rough all you need is … Chocolate.
Geraldine Solon

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

Mentioning violence to bruce was like mentioning chocolate sauce to a six-year-old.
Robert Muchamore

The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain.
Thomas Jefferson

The 12-step chocolate program: never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!.
Terry Moore

As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter a, e, or u is the proper time for chocolate.
Sandra Boynton

Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.
Fernando Pessoa

I snack on sauteed peanuts, a whole fruit, lots of cheese – especially goat cheese – with multi-grain crackers and dark chocolate. These are my weaknesses. I make it a point to eat every two hours.

Every now and then, i’ll run into someone who claims not to like chocolate, and while we live in a country where everyone has the right to eat what they want, I want to say for the record that I don’t trust these people, that I think something is wrong with them, and that they’re probably – and this must be said – total duds in bed.
Steve Almond

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
Robert Orben

Hot fudge fills deep needs.
Susan Isaacs

Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets
Milton Zelma

Chocolate is the first luxury. It has so many things wrapped up in it: deliciousness in the moment, childhood memories, and that grin-inducing feeling of getting a reward for being good.
Mariska Hargitay

He showed the words “chocolate cake” to a group of americans and recorded their word associations. “guilt” was the top response. If that strikes you as unexceptional, consider the response of french eaters to the same prompt: “celebration.
Michael Pollan

I don’t really work out. I eat a lot of sweets. I have chocolate all over my house.
Joyce Giraud

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.
Joanne Harris

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