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70+ Funny And Famous Drinking Quotes

Here’s a selection of Drinking Quotes, covering topics such as drinking and driving, drinking with friends, drinking water and drinking wine.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

I drink to make other people more interesting.
Hemingway, Ernest

Drinking makes uninteresting people matter less and late at night, matter not at all.
Lillian Hellman

When the hour is nigh me,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me.

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.
G.K. Chesterton

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields

There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.
Oscar Wilde

Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that’s a tough call. That’s rebellion.
Alice Cooper

It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.
Jim Morrison

Let me be the first to tell you, drinking alcohol is the worst thing to do in cold weather. Hot soup is the best because the process of digesting food helps to warm you up.
Morgan Freeman

I hate the taste of alcohol. When I’m drinking, I’m drinking Red Bull.
Paris Hilton

Ho! ho! ho! to the bottle I go
to heal my heart and drown my woe
rain may fall, and wind may blow
and many miles be still to go
but under a tall tree will I lie
and let the clouds go sailing by.
J.R.R. Tolkien

I must entreat you to be scrupulous in the use of strong liquors. One night’s drunkenness may defeat the labours of forty days well employed.

One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delight, beyond the bliss of dreams.
John Milton

I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.
Sylvia Plath

After a natural disaster, safe drinking water is a priority. Humans can live longer without food than water, so communication about clean water is essential to help avoid the risk of cholera, dysentery, malnutrition, famine, and death.
Tae Yoo

I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, i’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
Chelsea Handler

I do like beer, but lately I’ve started drinking non-alcoholic beer and I like the taste of it and I don’t get the alcohol, so that’s a good alternative also.
Mike Ditka

Drink moderately, for drunkenness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

A lady came up to me one day and said ‘sir! you are drunk’, to which I replied ‘i am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

Oh, you hate your job? why didn’t you say so?
there’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Drew Carey

My goal is to hit the gym every day I’m on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer.
Gary Allan

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Steve Martin

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley

I can dance for, like, four or five hours nonstop without even drinking water. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Petra Nemcova

What’s drinking? A mere pause from thinking!
George Gordon

After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.
Oscar Wilde

It’s solitary drinking that makes drunkards.
Nathanael West

Our kids have to understand that drinking underage is a poor decision that could drastically affect their chances to achieve the goals they’ve set.
Tony Cardenas

I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.
Celia Rivenbark

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
Martin Luther

For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
Jimmy Breslin

Drinking intensifies all your pressures and your needs.
Desi Arnaz

I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.
Tom Waits

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

If you ever know a man who tries to drown his sorrows, kindly inform him his sorrows know how to swim.
Pittacus Lore

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Frank Sinatra

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
Samuel Johnson

Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.

[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031].

Benjamin Franklin

Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.
Ben Jonson

It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
Winston Churchill

I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.
Johnny Damon

I like to have a martini,
two at the very most.
after three i’m under the table,
after four i’m under my host.
Dorothy Parker

I’ve never understood people who just go out for one drink. Once I have one drink, I want all the drinks.
Vicki Lesage

The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
Winston Churchill

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Oscar Levant

I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
Charles Bukowski

Drinking water is like washing out your insides. The water will cleanse the system, fill you up, decrease your caloric load and improve the function of all your tissues.
Kevin R. Stone

Drinking habits were very prevalent among men, and were not in any way disgraceful, unless excessive.
Catherine Helen Spence

Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of ?I?m listening.?
Jarod Kintz

Death: “there are better things in the world than alcohol, albert.”
albert: “oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.
Terry Pratchett

I watch people around me not drinking any water all day, and I turn into the water police. I’m constantly asking, ‘Are you drinking water?’ Being dehydrated very quickly affects my energy.
Jessica Parker Kennedy

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns

Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron.
Aaron Howard

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don’t drink in moderation.
Artie Lange

Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.

Drinking a cup of coffee with your eyes closed isn’t a sophisticated task for a person, but it’s hard for a robot.
Vijay Kumar

My perfect morning is spent drinking coffee, eating porridge and reading the paper at a local cafe.
Anton du Beke

My idea of working out is drinking whiskey – instead of beer.
Travis Fimmel

There cannot be good living where there is no good drinking.
Benjamin Franklin

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Saint Augustine

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.
Robert A. Heinlein

It’s not the drinking to be blamed, but the excess.
John Selden

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W.C. Fields

Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.
Jim Butcher

It is critical that parents and other trusted adults initiate conversations with kids about underage drinking well in advance of the first time they are faced with a decision regarding alcohol.
Xavier Becerra

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Benjamin Franklin

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
David Sedaris

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
N. F. Simpson

There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler

People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
Albert Einstein

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Lord Byron

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain

By polluting clear water with slime you will never find good drinking water.

I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.
Anne Lamott

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
James Thurber

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