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70+ Of The Best And Funniest Quotes From The Walking Dead’s Negan

Negan, as played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan on The Walking Dead, is a very quotable character. With his trusty barbed wire baseball bat, Lucille, Negan creates terror while making viewers laugh in spite of themselves.

The TV show airs on AMC. It is based on The Walking Dead, a comic series by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore. Fans of TWD have followed Negan’s character since his first appearance in the Season 6 finale.

Negan’s character is abrasive and violent, but his one-liners are so awesome, they are some of the most memorable things about the show. These quotes may make you uncomfortable, but they will also make you laugh. (Image Credit)
I don’t enjoy killing women. Men? I can waste them all the livelong.

Little pig, little pig – let me in.

You know, Rick, this whole thing reminds me that you have a lot of guns. There’s all the guns you took from my outpost when you wasted all my people with a sh*t-ton of your own guns, and I’m bettin’ there’s even more, which adds up to an absolute … *ss-load of guns, and as this little emotional outburst just made crystal clear … I can’t allow that. They’re all mine now. So tell me, Rick — where are my guns?

People are a resource. Money on the table. People are the foundation of what we are building here!

You did have guts. I’ve never been so wrong in my whole life!

In case you haven’t caught on, I just slipped my dick down your throat and you thanked me for it.

Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy’s other eye out and feed it to his father and then we’ll start.

Are you okay down there? Your penis? I mean, that guy, he clomped on it.

You don’t look at him, you don’t talk to him and I don’t make you chop anything off of him.

I just popped your skull so hard your eyeball popped out, and that sh*t is gross.

You do the same damn stink eye as your dad — except it’s only half as good, cuz, ya know, you’re missing one eye.

I was gonna ask her to come back with me. Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “How could I ever shop a guy who just bashed her husband’s head in.” You’d be surprised.

Your mouth is all puffed up like a baboon’s *ss.

Widows, especially ones that look like that … they … are special. I love ’em. Right after their husbands go, they are just … empty inside. But usually not for long.

You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doing that.

I think you are a thin-dicked politician threading the needle with your thin, thin dick.

You were in charge. Hell… you were probably… addicted to it. And now, well, clip, clip… that’s over.

If you don’t have something interesting for us… somebody’s gonna die. And no more magic guns.

Oh-ho-holy sh*t! Everybody hold your fire. It’s Carl. Look at you. Answering the door like a big boy. I am so proud.

While they’re at it, I just want to point out to you that I’m not taking a scrap of your food. Slim pickin’s in here. And I can’t be the only one to notice that you got a fat lady in charge of keeping track of rations, can I

Feels good! Sounds good! I do believe Lucille’s getting a little jealous.

Is that you, Rick? Underneath all that man bush? sh*t, I would not have messed with that guy.

Sucks, don’t it? The moment you realize you don’t know sh*t.

Jesus. You look shitty. I should just put you out of your misery right now.

You ever hear the one about the stupid little prick named Rick who thought he knew sh*t but didn’t know sh*t and got everyone he cared about killed?

I just want to point out to you that I’m not taking a scrap of your food. Slim pickin’s in here. And I can’t be the only one to notice that you got a fat lady in charge of keeping track of rations, can I? Either way, you starve to death, I don’t get sh*t, so for now, you get to keep all the food.

Funny how a little “Holy sh*t! Somebody’s gonna die!” lights a fire under everybody’s *ss!

You see that? I am everywhere. And this was your shot to prove to me that that fundamental fact was sinking in, and you failed. Which sucks, because your life was about to get so much cooler.

This… This is Lucille, and she is awesome. All this, all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor.

Welcome to a brand-new beginning, you sorry shits!

Now, boy, where were we? Oh, yeah. Your giant, man-sized balls.

You got one of our guns. Whoa. Yeah. You got a lot of our guns… sh*t, kid, lighten up. At least cry a little.

I could never do this with Rick. He would just be standing there, scowling, giving me that annoying side-eye he gives me.

Well, would you look at that? They were here after all. Funny how a little ‘Holy sh*t! Somebody’s gonna die!’ lights a fire under everybody’s *ss!

You get three choices. One, you wind up on the spike and you work for me as a dead man. Two, you get out of your cell, you work for points, but you’re gonna wish you were dead. Or three, you work for me, you get yourself a brand-new pair of shoes, and you live like a king!

Lucille is thirsty. She is a vampire bat!

I’m just pulling your dick, breaking your balls a little bit.

You didn’t think I was gonna leave Lucille, did ya? I mean, after what she did, why would you want her?

Well look at you, swinging your dick.

You don’t really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now, did you? I don’t want to kill you people. Just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You can’t do that if you’re dead, now, can you? I’m not growing a garden. But you killed my people, a whole damn lot of them. More than I’m comfortable with. And for that, for that you’re gonna pay. So, now… I’m gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you.

Are you cool, though, Dwight? I mean, I just said it was happy hour at the p*ssy bar, and Dwight eats for free … and you said no.

This is gonna be as cold as a warlock’s ballsack, just like he was hanging his ballsack above you and dragging it right across the forearm.

See, you need to get everybody on board. Everybody. Or … we just go right back to square one.

You can use your weaknesses to drive your strength, and obviously, I am strong as sh*t. I took this place, and it was a damn free-for-all… A loose confederation of assholes, an army made up of gangs of animals, and I brought it all together. The last guy that was in charge, he wasn’t in charge of sh*t. He allowed people to be weak. I don’t. I make them strong, which makes this world strong. You’re gonna see, Gabey. See, I’m gonna make you my new special project. Gonna make you nice and strong, too. We’re gonna find your special purpose. Hell yes, we are.

You heard the man. Go back to separating wheat and sh*t or whatever the hell it is you people do.

You got some beach-ball-sized lady nuts coming in kamikaze like that.

Earn for me. Because we’re coming back soon, and when we do, you better have something interesting for us, or Lucille, she’s gonna have her way. I want you to hear that again. If you don’t have something interesting for us … somebody’s gonna die.

Son of a b*tch, Carl! Was that just a play?! I thought we were havin’ a moment, you little asshole!

Hi. You’re Rick, right? I’m Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people. Not cool. Not cool. You have no idea how not cool that sh*t is. But I think you’re gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah. You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.

Well, pardon me young man, excuse the sh*t out of my g*dd*mn Fench but did you just threaten me?

Jesus, Gabe. What you did, that is some horrible, cowardly, spineless sh*t. But I guess that’s what a confession’s supposed to be, right? My first wife was a real wife. My only real wife. Till death did us part. It was before this. I lied to her, I screwed around on her. And she was sick. And when she went… When she went, it was during this. I couldn’t put her down. That is how I was weak. That is what I will confess. Because, yeah, maybe we do bite the big one here.

I’ve got my fingers crossed for a little freaky deaky.

I like killing people. Oh. Well, I… I say it’s about killing the right people. So, you kill the right people at the right time… everything falls into place. Everybody’s happy. Well, some people more than others. But you kill one, and you could be saving hundreds more. And that is what we are all about. We save people.

Holy crap, you are creepy as sh*t sneaking up on me wearing that collar with that freaky *ss smile.

Pissing our pants?…It’s gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon.

Oh, you better be jokin’. Negan, Lucille. I know I had to make a pretty strong first impression.

Do not make me kill the little future serial killer.

I care about my people. I don’t want to just march them into the line of fire because I want to play ‘my dick is bigger than yours.’ It is. We both know it.

Now, boy, where were we? Oh, yeah. Your giant, man-sized balls. No threatening us. Listen, I like you, so I don’t want to go hard proving a point here. You don’t want that. I said half your sh*t, and half is what I say it is.

Lucille’s beautiful, smooth surface is never gonna look the same, so why should yours?!

It’s not a man/woman thing. I mean, if you had a dick, I would still have these feelings.

Give me your sh*t… or I will kill you. Today was career day. We invested in a lot, so you would know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have sh*t, you give it to me. That’s your job. Now, I know that is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly will. You ruled the roost. You built something. You thought you were safe. I get it. But the word is out. You are not safe. Not even close. In fact, you are pegged, more pegged if you don’t do what I want. And what I want is half your sh*t. And if that’s too much, you can make, find, or steal more, and it’ll even out sooner or later. This is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So, if someone… knocks on your door… you let us in. We own that door. You try to stop us and we will knock it down. You understand?

You see this? This is the kind of thing that just tickles my balls.

If things don’t get fixed soon, a lot of people are gonna die. My people. Not me, of course. I’m livin’ no matter what. I am too good at this sh*t. But others… I can’t have that. I don’t want to see people get shot up, chewed up, and chewing up the rest. I don’t want to see you get eaten, Eugene. This place, it’s about pooling and organizing strength. And you… my friend, are strong. That spongy organ between your eyes and your spectacular mullet is strong, and I just want to make sure that you know… that I know that.

You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter what, you don’t mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it’s really very simple, so, even if you’re stupid, which you may very well be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes. Pay attention.

That’s what I’m talking about. Men breaking each other’s balls. This is the sh*t your dad’s supposed to be teaching you.

I am not dying until I am damn good and ready.

I wear a leather jacket, I have Lucille, and my nutsack is made of steel.

Well, holy smokes! Look at this! It was you guys that took out Little Timmy and the Dick Brigade? Wow, Rick. Gettin’ in your last licks.

All right, listen. Don’t any of you do that again. I will shut that sh*t down, no exceptions. First one’s free. It’s an emotional moment, I get it.

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