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From Carl’s Jr To President Camacho – The Best Quotes From Idiocracy

The 2006 movie Idiocracy rings true a decade later with its criticisms of consumerism and reality stars turned politicians. Idocracy pairs the marketing cries for Brawndo branded electrolytes with a porn star POTUS that hits close to home under a Trump presidency. Read the quotes below to judge the social and political comparisons for yourself.

For the smartest guy in the world you’re really dumb sometimes.
Frito
idiocracy-quotes-for-the-smartest-guy
I thought you were on pills or some sh*t!
Clevon


After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water.
Narrator

My last name is not “Sure!”
Joe Bauers

Modern speech had degrated down to a mixture of slang, hillbilly, and grunts.
Narrator

You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Rita

Welcome to Carl’s Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG *ss TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!
Carl’s Jr. Machine

Kay. Number one your honor, just look at him. And B, we’ve got all this, like, evidence, of how, like, this guy didn’t even pay at the hospital. And I heard that he doesn’t even have his tattoo.
Prosecutor

You mean like in the toilet?
Various


You know things are bad when they’re coming to me for answers.
Joe Bauers

Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm!
IPAA Machine

Welcome to the Identity Processsing Program of Uhmerica! Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle!
IPAA Machine

Why me? Every time Metzler says, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way,” I get out of the way.
Joe

Because Brawndo’s got electrolytes.
Secretary of State

If I had some money and a room at the White House, I’d be like, “It’s mine, all night!”
Frito
idiocracy-quotes-if-i-had-some
The #1 movie in America was called “*ss.” And that’s all it was for 90 minutes. It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay.
Narrator

Sh*t. I know sh*t’s bad right now, with all that starving bullsh*t, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
President Comacho

Yeah, I got a solution, you’re a dick! South Carolina, what’s up!
South Carolina Representative # 12

They’re watering crops with a sports drink?
Joe Bauers

Water? Like out of the toilet?
Attorney General

They’re… what they use to make Brawndo!
Secretary of State

That doesn’t embarrass me.
Joe

The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.
Narrator

Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
Joe Bauers

I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.
Joe Bauers

You talk like a f*g, and your sh*t’s all r*tarded.
Dr. Lexus

First to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world! … But then an even greater force emerged: The un [United Nations]! And the un un-nazi’d the world! Forever!
Time Machine Narrator

You have already confirmed your first name is “Not.” Please confirm your last name, “Sure.”
IPAA Machine

Go away, I’m BAITIN’!
Frito


You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool… well maybe not cool, but they did things like build ships and pyramids and they even went to the moon.
Pvt. Joe Bauers

Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
Joe

People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories, so you cared whose *ss it was and why it was farting!
Joe

Enjoy your EXTRA BIG *ss FRIES!
Carl’s Jr. Machine

Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Carl’s Jr. Machine

A pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.
Collins

What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Joe Bauers

If you have one bucket that contains 2 gallons and another bucket that contains 7 gallons, how many buckets do you have?
IPAA Machine


You didn’t give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Woman at Carl’s Jr.

Couple of us guys was wonderin’ if we could go family-style on her.
Secret Service Agent

I know sh*t’s bad right now with all that starvin’ bullsh*t. And the dust storms. And we runnin’ out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
President Comacho

Because I like money.
Frito

As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.
Narrator

Yeah, well, I really don’t think we have time for a hand job, Joe.
Frito

I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help.
Joe Bauers

We did, however have to come to an arrangement with her pimp. A gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd. Which he spells thusly, with two D’s, as he says, “for a double dose of this pimping”.
Officer Collins

Oh, that’s easy. You go down by the museum and stuff… It’s like- it’s, like, by the museum… Sorta by… Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um… Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where the time machine is?
Frito

That’s what you said last time, dipshit!
South Carolina Representative # 1

Yah I couldn’t believe it myself, luckily my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.
Frito

But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
Joe Bauers

I can’t believe you like money too. We should hang out.
Frito

Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here.
Frito

Chill, Scro, you do a kick *ss job and you get a full pardon.
President Comacho

It will be Daddy Justice crapping on him this time!
Newscaster


It says here you robbed a hospital. Why’d you do that?
Frito

Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them.
Narrator

Yeah, when he says that, you’re not supposed to choose “get out of the way.” It’s supposed to embarrass you into leading, or at least following.
Sgt. Keller

Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took 8 wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn’t save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that’s pretty good for an average guy.
Narrator

It’s you! Oh man, I really love your show.
Frito

And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn’t just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose *ss it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!
Pvt. Joe Bauers

Clevon is lucky to be alive. He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. But thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krinsky and Altschuler, he should regain full reproductive function again.
Doctor With Trashy Guy

Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Costco employee


I’m Secretary of State, brought to you by Carl’s Jr.
Secretary of State

You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl’s Jr. Carl’s Jr… ‘F*ck You, I’m Eating.’”
Carl’s Jr. Machine


Don’t worry scrote! There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick *ss lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now.
Dr. Lexus

This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl’s Jr. believes no child should go hungry.
Carl’s Jr. Machine

Well, it started off boring and slow, with Not Sure trying to bullsh*t everyone with a bunch of smart talk: ‘”Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!”‘ That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, ‘”Man, whatever! The guy’s guilty as sh*t! We all know that.”‘ And he sentenced his *ss to one night of rehabilitation.
Formica Davis

So you’re smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger.
President Comacho

You have entered the name “Not Sure.” Is this correct, Not Sure?
IPAA Machine

There’s a shuttle down in the Costco. It’ll drop us right by the time machine.
Frito

You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Rita

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