Skip to content

The Best Bill And Ted Quotes From Excellent Adventure & Bogus Journey

Here’s a selection of Bill And Ted Quotes, covering topics such as Wild Stallions, the grim reaper, Keanu Reeves, death, movies and being excellent.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

Billy the Kid: Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude?
Bill: England, 15th century.
Ted: We are in most excellent shape for our report.
Bill: Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval.
Billy the Kid: Excellent.
Bill: Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.

Okay, wait, if we were one of Europe’s greatest leaders, and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go?
Bill S. Preston

Ted: Okay, if you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?Future Bill and Future

Bill: Ted, you’re alive.
Ted: Yeah, I fell out of my armor when I hit the floor.

Bill: Be excellent to each other.
Ted: Party on, dudes.

Bill: Socrates – “The only true wisdom consists of knowing you know nothing”.
Ted: That’s us, dude.

Bill: That conversation made more sense this time.

Bill: I am the Earl of Preston.
Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted.

You killed Ted, you Midieval dickweed!
Bill S. Preston

You know how to play, Rufus?
I play a little.Rufus does a solo of complex guitar riffs
Most outstanding, Rufus! Let’s jam![the boys and princesses prepare to jam]
Bill, my friend?
Yes Ted, my friend?
This has been a most excellent adventure.
1! 2! 1-2-3-4![The band start playing, very badly]Rufus(to the camera)
: They do get better.

Ted: Bill?
Bill: What?
Ted: I’m in love, dude.
Bill: Come on, this is a history report, not a babe report.
Ted: But, Bill, those are historical babes.
Bill: Okay, you’re the ladies’ man. How we gonna meet ’em?

Freud: And so, Ted’s father’s own fear of failure has caused him to make his son the embodiment of all his deepest anxieties about himself. And hence, his aggression transference onto Ted.
Ted: [sits up] Whoa….
Freud: Okay, Ted?
Ted: Yes… Thank you very much, Sigmund Freud…
Freud: Bill? [motions toward the couch]
Bill: Nah. Just got a minor oedipal complex.

Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian…
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman’s Sporting Goods.

Logan: All right, what’s your name?
Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln. That’s L-I-N-C-O-L-N.Capt.
Logan: I know how to spell Lincoln. What’s your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
Abraham Lincoln: February 12… 1809.

Bill: OK,
Ted: George Washington.
One: The father of our country.
Two: Born on Presidents’ Day!
Three: The dollar bill guy.
Ted: You ever made a mushroom out of his head?
Bill: Ted… Alaska.
Ted: Okay… Um…. Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That’s Captain Ahab, dude!
Ted: …Oh, wait! Remember Disney World? Hall of Presidents?
Bill: Yeah, good, what did he say?
Ted: …Welcome to the Hall of Presidents!

Bill: Who are you guys?
We’re you, dude.
Ted: No way. No… way.
Yes way.

Bill: Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he’s talking about.

Ted: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy…
Ted: What if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?

You ditched Napoleon!
Bill S. Preston

Be excellent to each other!
Bill S. Preston

As you can see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush.

Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?

Ted: Now your dad’s actually going for it in your room.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Your step-mom is cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom?
Bill: Shut up, Ted.

Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?

[Delivering a history report] Everything is different, but the same… things are more moderner than before… bigger, and yet smaller… it’s computers… …SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!

It seems to me the only thing you’ve learned is that Caesar is a “salad dressing dude.
Mr. Ryan

It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Bill S. Preston

Bill: OK Ted, George Washington.
One: the father of our country.
Two: born on President’s Day.
Three: the dollar bill guy.
Ted: Bill, did you ever made a mushroom out of his head?
Bill: Ted?
Ted: What?
Bill: Alaska.
Ted: OK. Um…
Ted: Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That’s Captain Ahab, dude.

Party on dudes!!
Ted “Theodore” Logan

Captain Logan: I spoke to your principal today, Ted. He said you’re failing history.
Ted: Me and Bill-
Captain Logan: He also said that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. You know what that would mean, don’t you, Ted?
Ted: That I would have to go to Oates Military Academy. Sir.
Captain Logan: I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. He’s anxious to meet you, Ted…[back outside]
Ted: Dude, we gotta pass; otherwise, there’s no more band.
Bill: Why?
Ted: My dad’s sending me to military school.
Bill: Where?
Ted: Alaska….

Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and…
Abraham Lincoln: seven minutes ago… we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure concieved by our new friends, Bill… and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to proposition which was true in my time, just as it’s true today. Be excellent to each other. And… PARTY ON, DUDES!

We’re in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
Bill S. Preston

Put them in the iron maiden.
Evil Duke

Ted: Miss Preston, we’d like you to meet some of our…friends.
Bill: This is.. Dave Beeth-Oven… Maxine of Arc… Herman the Kid…
Ted: Bob Genghis Khan… So-crates Johnson… Dennis Freud. And uh… Abraham Lincoln…

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?
Ted: Noah’s wife?

Bill: [reading from their history textbook] “The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing.”
Ted: [after a pause] That’s us, dude!
Bill: Oh, yeah!

Police Psychiatrist: I don’t know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud: Why do you claim I’m not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist: Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud: Tell me about your mother.

Outside the Circle KTed: OK, the lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275.
Bill: It’s not just a water sport, I knew it.
A woman enters convenience storeTed: Excuse me? When did the Mongols rule China?
Woman: I don’t know, I just work here.

Bill: Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant. The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
Ted: Yes, Bill. But, I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill: Ted, it’s pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments.
Ted: Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don’t really even know how to play?
Bill: That is why we NEED Eddie Van Halen!
Ted: And THAT is why we need a triumphant video.
Bill: Uh oh, we’re late!
Ted: For what?
Bill: For school, dude!
Ted: Oh yeah.

Bill: Dude, you’ve gotta have a poker face like me.
Bill: Whoa. Three aces.


Oh, my God! [laughs with her friend at Freud’s introduction]
Girl at Mall

Evil Duke: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Evil Duke: Execute them.

Ted: Your stepmom’s cute.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!

Hi, and welcome to the future. San Dimas, California, 2688. And I’m telling you, everything is great. The air is clean. The water is clean. Even the dirt… is clean. Bowling averages are way up. Mini-golf scores are way down. And we have more waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I’m telling you, it’s great. But it almost wasn’t. You see, 700 years ago the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I must travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, the basis of our society will be in danger. Don’t worry. It’ll make sense. I’m a professional.

Ted: Our first guest speaker comes from the year 400 BC, a time when most of the world looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album, Houses of the Holy.
Bill: We were there. There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil.
Ted: He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle, and like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young.

Billy the Kid: Way to go, egghead.
Socrates: Geek!
Sigmund Freud: What is a geek?

Bill: I’m Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
Ted: And I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan.

Billy the Kid: Here’s the deal. What I win, I keep. What you win… I keep.

They do get better.

Bill: You ditched Napoleon.
Ted: Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe’s greatest leaders in San Dimas.
Deacon: He was a dick.

Bill: Socrates. Hey, we know that name!
Ted: Hey,
Ted: look him up. Oh, it’s under So-crates.

Rufus: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: …Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well…. Perhaps we can ask them.

Bill S. Preston

Bill: How’s it going, royal ugly dudes? I am the Earl of Preston!
Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted!
Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?Bill and
Ted: Excellent! [air guitar]
Henry VII: Execute them!Bill and
Ted: Bogus!

How’s it going, royal ugly dudes?

Everything is different, but the same… things are more moderner than before… bigger, and yet smaller… it’s computers… San Dimas High School football rules.

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *