When you have a quirky sense of humor, you often laugh at things that other people find strange. If you are interested in science, you probably already know that there are many unusual things to laugh at, from animals to space. When you joke around, people might think you’re just being weird, but your special sense of humor makes you a unique individual. You are able to find the humor in situations where other people might have difficulty. These weird and funny quotes will make you laugh. When you share them, you will show your friends your offbeat sense of humor.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Apparently there are three levels of brain activity. Level 1 is the lowest level – the amount of concentration required to, say, delete emails or serve in congress.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.
I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
The longer you go by yourself the weirder you get, and the weirder you get the longer you go by yourself.
For each human being there is an optimum ratio between change and stasis. Too little change, he grows bored. Too little stability, he panics and loses his ability to adapt.
Basic research is what I am doing when I don’t know what I am doing.
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.
There is no such thing as a weird human being, It’s just that some people require more understanding than others.
Scientists are peeping toms at the keyhole of eternity.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.
NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they’re calling Super Earth. It’s indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Half of wisdom is learning what to unlearn.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
There’s a whole category of people who miss out by not allowing themselves to be weird enough.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the universe.
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
It’s weird not to be weird.
I’m not sure if I was the first man in space or the last dog.
The rocket worked perfectly, except for landing on the wrong planet
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It’s also been lying about its weight.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family
Anyone who is not shocked by quantum theory has not understood it.
We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.
The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn’t have a space program. And if we become extinct because we don’t have a space program, it’ll serve us right!
Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
There is no great invention, from fire to flying, which has not been hailed as an insult to some god.
I’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money
The Big Bang Explained: somebody told God a great joke when God had a mouthful of milk.
I’m human; never been to space. Monkeys aren’t human; have been to space. That’s the gist of my lawsuit against NASA.
It is in scientific honesty that I endorse the presentation of alternative theories for the origin of the universe, life and man in the science classroom. It would be an error to overlook the possibility that the universe was planned rather than happening by chance.
There’s an old saying among scientific guys: “You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane.”
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in
When you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.
It’s weird that apples bruise like humans. I’m glad they don’t scream when you bite into them.
Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
A machine has no mind to read; you never know when it’s going to betray you
Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.
Yet another spunky li’l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li’l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it.
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
I won’t be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me
Sure, gravity makes everything sag as you get older, but it also keeps your dinner from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are
I had trouble with physics in college. When I signed up I thought it said psychics.
The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it is queerer than we can suppose.
Why would you clone people when you can go to bed with them and make a baby? C’mon, it’s stupid.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research.
Creationists make it sound as though a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
I write weird stories. I don’t know why I like weirdness so much … But when I write, I write weird. That’s very strange. When I’m getting more and more serious, I’m getting more and more weird.
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarian and we’re skeptical.
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
Occams Razor is the scientific principle that, all things being equal, the simplest explanation is always the dog ate my homework.
We don’t devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
We all understand the twinge of discomfort at the thought that we share a common ancestor with the apes. No one can embarrass you like a relative.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. I do not believe mankind will ever develop a formula to explain this.
I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
That’s the thing about people who think they hate computers … What they really hate are lousy programmers.
In physics, you don’t have to go around making trouble for yourself. Nature does it for you.
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart
Tell them the universe is too complicated a toy for a sensibly cautious being to play with.
Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.
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