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From Bubbles to Ricky – the Best Trailer Park Boys Quotes

[to Julian after he pulls the gun out of Ricky’s hand] Oh, those were excellent negotiation tactics you used… Patrick… Swayze.

[Lahey and Randy show up to shut down the concert]
Hey guys, Captain Arsehole and Wonderboy are coming.

Hey Mr. Lahey, Julian’s out here lifting weights with his shirt off and he wants you to come out and have a drink with him.

Bubbles: Please J-ROC. I’ll give you two grams of blonde Lebanese hash.
J-Roc: That’s not even blonde mothaf***a.
Bubbles: Well it’s dirty blonde.

[after listening to Lucy hitting on him and Ricky mourning his loss of Lucy on his answering machine] I need some advice. I gotta go talk to Bubbles.

[on the phone with Trinity] Hey Munchkin. [pause] Daddy’s bum’s fine, honey. Yeah. [pause] Why are you talkin’ so funny? [pause] Well don’t drink any more of it, all right?

[arguing with Julian about buying a wedding ring]
I’m not getting Lucy one of those ‘Cubic Zarcarbian’ f***in’ things.

Ricky: Don’t you have some offs to f*** there, boys?
Randy: What?
Ricky: F*** off!

Julian: You’re prostituting yourself out for cheeseburgers again, aren’t you?
Randy: A man’s gotta eat, Julian.

What are you lookin’ at my eyes for? I ain’t got no candy for you, you see some candy?

[Ricky goes over the department store’s public address system]
Mr. Lahey and Randy to the F***-off department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the F***-off department and hurry the f*** up!

Ricky: Right on, DVD.
Detroit Velvet Smooth: That’s DVS, motherf***er.

F***in’ Randy’s gut, is full of dirty old cheeseburgers!
Bubbles (singing to Randy while drunk)

[With Julian, searching for Bubbles’ puppet Conky] Julian, I don’t f***in’ know where it is. It was grade 6. I was drunk.

Bubbles: Used furniture store is not a bad idea Julian. Keep Lahay and Randy distracted, make a few bucks.
Ricky: Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.

[Outside a club]
Julian: There’s no male dancers in there, right?
Trevor: No, that’s every second Tuesday and Thursday.

In this park it’s one muthaf***a for one and all muthaf***a for all muthaf***a’s

Jacob Collins: Baaaaaaammmmm!
Phil Collins: Peanut butter and jaaaaaaaaammmmmmm!Mr.
Lahey: What the f*** are ya doin’, Phil?

Randy only fights with his pants off because he’s worried that he’ll ruin his tight pants so when the pants come off… look… the f*** out.

Ricky: Bubbles give me the cat back.
Bubbles: Go f*** yourself.

Listen boy, when you’re under my roof, it’s my rules, and burgers is all about them rules. Burgers were good to me and they’re good to you!
Phil Collins

Randy can’t fight with his pants on, he doesn’t want to tear his precious little pants. So when the pants come off, look the f*** out!

Today’s getaway is brought to you by the letter F, for “f***ed in the head”, which you are, Ricky!

Ricky: Hey Sam, knock knock!
Sam Losco: [is stoned from the shrooms he ate in the hot dog before the speech] Who’s there?
Ricky: Get the f*** off the stage!

Treena Lahey: You’re not as bad as my dad says.
Ricky: Yeah, well, your dad is a bit of an idiot.

Lahey: Where ya stayin’ Rick?
Ricky: At the f***-off hotel Lahey.

That’s the way she goes, boys. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn’t cause that’s the f***ing way she goes.

[Ricky drives to the police station, trying to get himself arrested]
‘Closed for renovations’? This is f***ed!

Listen, Ricky, you’re only at school for one reason, and that’s to sell drugs.

I love all creatures like gophers and deerts, and those things that fly and everything else, but f*** seagulls. I got no time for those cocksuckers.

What the f***? Julian, it must be the fumes, i’m hallucinating, man! Looks like Bubbles has got wings on his back and he’s strangling Mike Bullard!

Here’s what I know, Rick. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, you own it. If it doesn’t, you don’t own it. And if it doesn’t you’re an asshole, just like you.

[knocking on Julian’s trailer door] Let’s go, open the f***ing door, or I’m burning the trailer down!

[when asked if his rocket can fly] Can it fly? Does the Tin Man have a sheet-metal c*ck?

[repeated line]
[in the background] What in the f***?

[to Trevor almost everytime he sees him] Smokes, let’s go.

You all right, Corey? I don’t give a f***, actually.

I mean how many fathers can give a nine-year-old daughter a car? I’m just happy I’m in a position where I can do something like that.

I’ve met cats and dogs smarter than Trevor and Cory. In fact, most cats and dogs are smarter than Trevor and Cory.

Bible Person: Can you read, my son?
Bubbles: That depends, can you go f*** yourself?

What in the f*** are you dressed up like a bumble bee for? And why do you look like Indianapolis Jones?

[Phil Collins keeps burping all over everyone]
There’s onion ring fragments on me, get ’em off!

[after Julian shoots Conky the puppet in the face, breaking Bubbles out of his temporary insanity]
Smoking much dope lately, boys?
Sam Losco

Ricky: I’m a hell of a lot better father than you’ll ever f***in’ be.
Lucy: You have no idea how stupid you are, do you?
Ricky: Actually, yes I do.

Lahey: Many are called, Rick.
Ricky: And many can f*** off, Lahey!

Julian: There’s something you forgot about. The liquor works for both sides, buddy.Mr.
Lahey: You might be sexy, Julian, but you can’t teach me anything about liquor.

Randy: …I want my barbeque.
Ricky: You know what Randy, you’re totally right and you know what I’m gonna do for ya?
Randy: What?
Ricky: Jack sh*t.

Julian: [handing him a crowbar] Break in.
Ricky: Why do *I* have to break in?
Julian: Because it’s all your fault and I’m in charge!

Ricky, can you tell me why there’s a mountain lion trying to bang one of my boyfriends?

J-Roc, I’m not a pessimist, I’m an optometrist but you gotta keep your eye on randy he’s f***ing around, he’s doin’ stuff. I don’t trust that f***in’ guy, I don’t.

Bubbles: Holy f*** Ray, look! Hot hamburger sandwiches!
Ray: More like hot pull the f*** over!

No, J-Roc’s not crazy. He just genuinely believes he’s black.

I’d like to see that Red Blue Green cocksucker put one of those together, duct-tapin’ it.

[offscreen, packing the getaway car] Why do we have all these f***ing bananas?

[to Sam Losco] Is it just me, or can someone here go f*** themselves?

Officer Erica Miller: Stop staring at my t*ts, Bubbles.
Bubbles: I wasn’t.
Officer Erica Miller: Yes you were.
Bubbles: I was not!

Lahey: Let’s cut to the chase Rick. There will be no jeopardization of the people in this park. Do you understand that?
Ricky: No.

[to Sam Losco] Hey, you owe me you f***in’ greasy caveman!
Phil Collins

Julian: Bubbles, what happened to my trailer park, man?
Ricky: Looks like a tropical earthquake blew through here or something, man.

Ricky: How f***in’ drunk are you right now?Mr.
Lahey: …6 out of 10.

Well, that’s a little harsh. He’s not a punk. He might be a bit of a f***in’ goof, but he’s not a punk.

Julian: Wanna go have a few drinks and smoke a joint Bubbles?
Bubbles: Yes.

J-Roc: Yo, DVS, I am so down with your sh*t, tell me what’s goin on my brother?
Detroit Velvet Smooth: Brother… you callin’ me your brother? Seems to me like one of us ain’t black.

Lahey, can you please get the Flying F*** out of our way? We gotta go get Rush tickets!

Jacob Collins: Come on dad, give us a bam.
Phil Collins: Sorry son, I can’t give you a bam. But I can give you a… a green eggs and HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!

Woohoo! Today’s getaway has been brought to you by, the letter F… for f***ed in the head, which you are, Ricky!

Jacob Collins: Baaaaaaaaaaam!
Phil Collins: Peanut butter and jaaaaaaaaaaam!Mr.
Lahey: What the f*** are you doing, Phil?

Rush’s don’t do stuff like that. They got these lyrics about… how trees are talking to each other, and how different sides of your brain works, and outer space bullsh*t.

Lahey: You guys are under arrest for grand theft swayze train!
Ricky: You’re under f*** off for grand f***in’ offin’!

F***, I missed jail this year. Was it awesome?

Julian: I want you outta that car in two days though, Ricky.
Ricky: No more than two weeks, I promise.

Ricky: Lucy, smokes, let’s go.
Lucy: F*** you.

Ricky: Knock knock Trevor?
Trevor: I’m not going to say “who’s there” man.
Ricky: …You just did you f***ing idiot.

You know, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat animals. One hour with Ricky and the dog’s on drugs.

Trevor: Hey guys I found a mushroom that looks like a c*ck.
Ricky: Trevor will you please stop thinking about cocks for two seconds.

Ricky: [sees Randy showering outside] Randy, I can see you through all those g*dd*mn liquor bags and lawn-chair strapping, f***sakes!
Randy: Well, stop friggin’ looking, Rick!

Julian: SAM. You’re buying dope off of *Sam*?
Ricky: Sam’s got some serious sh*t.
Julian: No, what Sam’s got is some serious problems, Ricky.

[while being carried away by the police for recording porn in his trailer] Gotta get my smoke machine, ya know what I’m sayin’?

Detective Ted Johnson: We’ll see you soon, Rick.
Ricky: What do you mean by that?
Detective Ted Johnson: Precisely what I said. That’s why I chose the words.

I’m not the kind of person to say atodaso, but you know what? Atodaso! I f***in’ atodaso!

Ricky: God damnit Trinity, you can’t smoke with the patch on.
Trinity: Well you’re smoking with the patch on.
Ricky: Yeah, well Daddy’s much bigger then you are so he can.

Lahey: He’s takin’ the sh*t tornado right back to Oz.
Randy: Well that would make Sam, Dorothy. Right Mr. Lahey?Mr.
Lahey: Right, Randy.

Ricky: Knock, Knock, Trevor.
Trevor: I’m not gonna say, “Who’s there?”, man.
Ricky: You just did, you f***ing idiot![tears off his pants]

Getting caught masturbating sucks. I got caught masturbating in jail 7 or 8 times, it really sucks.

Trevor: We’re not stupid Julian.
Julian: Yes you are stupid, that’s why I have to tell you this.

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