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The Best Funny Skyrim Quotes From Guard To Cicero

Here’s a selection of Skyrim Quotes, covering topics such as video games, darkness and life.

We really hope you enjoy these quotes and that they give you something to think about.

Been so long since I killed a Stormcloak, my sword arm’s getting flabby.
Imperial soldier

And who are you to challenge me? I’ve conqured mortality itself. I’ve spat in the eyes of the Daedric Lords! This is my realm now, I’ve sacraficed too much to let you take it from me!
Malyn Varen

[when seeing a breathtaking view]
I’ve seen better. Well, maybe not.
Njada Stonearm

When life gives you lemons, go murder a clown.
Festus Krex Skyrim

Let me guess, Someone stole your sweetroll!

You stink of death my friend. I salute you.

[when using fire] Yol Toor Shul!

I told they call me Dirge because I’m the last thing you hear before they put you in the ground.
Dirge (Thieves Guild Member)

[when in combat] Stand… still!

You never should have come here.

[when in combat] Kill the beast!
Serana – Dawnguard DLC

Mjoll the Lioness: [after Dovakhiin drops an item from his/her inventory] Who left that here?
Dark elf merchant: Back off! That’s my armor now!
Mjoll the Lioness: Not if I get it first!
Dark elf merchant: Back off!
Mjoll the Lioness: [drawing her weapon] That can be arranged.[Mjoll the Lioness and Aerin fight the merchant til the merchant is killed]
Mjoll the Lioness: [sheathing her weapon] That’s the last of them.

If these ruins frighten you, take comfort from the knowledge that I am here.

Fus Ro Dah!

My ancestors are smiling at me imperials can you say the same?

I used to be the top soldier for the Stormcloaks, then i took a sword to the chest

Babette, my girl – pack your things. We’re moving!

I will eat your heart!

Enough!I will not stand idly by while a dragon burns my hold and slaughters my people!
Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

[when your character is only in underwear] You’re naked!
Random child

Drem. Patience. There are formalities that must be observed, at the first meeting of two of the dov. By long tradition, the elder speaks first. Hear my Thu’um! Feel it in your bones. Match it, if you are Dovahkiin!

[singing] Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead. And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade as he told of bold battles and gold he had made. But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red when he met the shield-maiden Matilda, who said; “Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead; now I think it’s high time that you lie down and bleed!”. And so then came clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in, full of zeal. And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooore when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

[when seeing a breath-taking view] Look at that. Am I drunk? I must be drunk.

[when the Dragonborn is only in underwear]
Either I’m drunk, or you’re naked. Possibly both.

Let’s kill someone!

[when in combat] I’ll see you in pieces!

[when your character is only in underwear] Naked! Naked, naked, naked!
Random child

My favorite drinking buddy! Let’s get some mead.
Village Drunkard

In their tongue he is Dovahkiin – Dragonborn

What is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?.

I fight so that all the fighting i’ve already done hasn’t been for nothing.
i fight… because I must.
Ulfric Stormcloak

[when your character is about to use a Shout] Whoa, whoa, watch the magic!

I’ve got my eyes on you.

I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee.

Perhaps we should find a random stranger to murder. Practice does make perfect.
Lucien Lachance, the Spectral Assassin

…i killed a bride once. It was our honeymoon. Tepid, I said! the bathwater should be tepid! lukewarm is not tepid! close, maybe, but there’s a difference. Stupid cow.
Festus Krex Skyrim

And when the world shall listen
and when the world shall see
and when the world remembers
that world shall cease to be.

[when spotting an enemy] Well, well. Another maggot to squash beneath my boot!
Uthgerd the Unbroken

[whispering] Dovahkiin.

You do not even know our tongue, do you? Such arrogance, to dare take for yourself the name of Dovah!

My cousin is out fighting dragons. And what do I get? Guard duty.

I’ve been hunting and fishing in these parts for years.

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