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From Dark Helmet To Barf 70+ Funny Spaceball Quotes

We all know and like those played out sci-fi movie cliches, but we like them even more when concentrated and compacted into the Star Wars parody turned iconic cult classic, Spaceballs. Please take a moment away from comparing your Schwartz size with your mortal enemy, and turn your attention to these laugh out loud quotes from this memorably hilarious and quotable 80’s sci-fi comedy. Nobody wants to be a Prince Valium- prepare for the New Jersey screening with Mel Brooks on May 6th with your arsenal of legendary quotes to impress all of those on the Upside and the Downside. (Image Credit)
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet

What the Hell am I lookin’ at? When does this happen in the movie?
Dark Helmet


Radar about to be “jammed.”
Barf

I’ll bet she gives great helmet.
Dark Helmet

Look your highness, it’s not that we’re afraid, far from it. It’s just that we’ve got this thing about death; it’s not us.
Barf

May The Schwartz be with you.
Yogurt

Nah, he got the upside, I got the downside. See there’s two sides to every Schwartz.
Dark Helmet

Knock on my door! Knock next time!
Dark Helmet

How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
Dark Helmet

Well, I hope it’s a long ceremony, ’cause it’s gonna be a short honeymoon.
Dark Helmet

What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?
Dark Helmet

You have the ring. And I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let’s see how well you handle it.
Dark Helmet

The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
President Skroob

Out of order? f*ck! Even in the future nothing works!
Dark Helmet


No you fool, we’re following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we’re combing it.
Dark Helmet

Oh my gosh. It’s not just a spaceship. It’s a transformer.
Barf

Why are we always “preparing”? Just go.
Dark Helmet

Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
Dark Helmet

Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have BOTH, and YOU KNOW IT!
Dark Helmet

Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet

My hair… You shot my hair!!! YOU BASTARDS
Princess

I can’t breathe in this thing!
Dark Helmet

What are those thing coming out of her nose?’ ‘Spaceballs!’ ‘Oh sh*t, there goes the planet
Dark Helmet

No, no, no. Go past this. Pass this part. In fact, never play this again.
Dark Helmet

Ooh! Those flashing eyes, those pouting lips. You know something princess? You are UGLY when you’re angry.
Lone Starr

I’m a Mawg. Half-man, half-dog. I’m my own best friend.
Barf

It worked, sir. We have the combination.
Dark Helmet

I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
Dark Helmet

What’s a-matter, Colonel Sanders?……CHICKEN???
Dark Helmet

Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Dark Helmet

What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Dark Helmet

There’s only one man who would dare give me the raspberry…Lone Starr!
Dark Helmet

Those flashing eyes. Those flushed cheeks. Those trembling lips. You know something princess, you are ugly when you’re angry.
Lone Starr

No, it’s not what you think. It’s much, much worse!
Dark Helmet

sh*t!! I hate it when I get my schwarz TWISTED!
Dark Helmet

Not bad… for a girl.
Barf

The way he runs things it won’t last a hundred.
Dark Helmet

Instant cassettes! They are released, before the movie is finished!
Col. Sanderz

Come back, you fat bearded b*tch!
Dark Helmet

What’s the matter with this thing, what’s all that churnning and bubbling, you call that radar screen?
Dark Helmet

Ah, planet Druidia. And under that air shield, ten thousand years of fresh air. We must get through that air shield!
Dark Helmet

I know we need the money, but…
Barf

The minute we move in they’re gonna spot us on their radar.
Dark Helmet

We’re done with you. Go back to the golf course and work on your putz.
Dark Helmet

Oh! That’s gonna leave a mark.
Barf

Yes, we’re gonna have to go right to…ludicrous speed!
Dark Helmet

WHAT? You went over my helmet?
Dark Helmet

I bet she gives great helmet.
Dark Helmet

So, Lord Helmet, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time.
Lone Starr

So the combination is… one, two, three, four, five? That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard in my life! That’s the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
Dark Helmet

Yogurt the Magnificent!
Barf

The s- That’s what I ordered! Change my order to the soup!
Barf

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So, Princess Vespa, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to.
Dark Helmet

No, no, no, light speed is too slow!
Dark Helmet

Say goodbye to your two best friends- and I don’t mean your pals in the Winnebago!
Dark Helmet

My brains are going into my feet!
Dark Helmet

I’ll have the cleavage, I mean the special.
Barf

AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT ON THIS THING, A *CUISINART*?
Dark Helmet


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