Derek Zoolander, the hapless male model played by Ben Stiller, is the star of Zoolander and its sequel, Zoolander 2. Derek is famous for his trademark facial expression, “Blue Steel.” Derek used to be one of the best models in the world, but his star is falling thanks to his modeling rival, Hansel, who is played by Owen Wilson. Derek’s bumbling misadventures through the world of modeling eventually bring him face to face with international supervillain Mugatu, played by Will Ferrell. At the end of the film, Derek creates a cooler facial expression, “Magnum.” The Zoolander movies are full of awesome quotes and sayings. Whenever you need a good laugh, turn to these quotes. (Image Credit)
Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
So join now, ’cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?
It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!
What say we settle this on the runway… Han-Solo?
I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
I’m going to retire, withdraw from public life, and become a hermit crab.
Derek, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who can’t turn…I mean, there have got to be some people out there just like you who can’t…turn…turn…left.
One look?… ONE LOOK?! I don’t think so! (Derek reveals Magnum)
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit… stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!
I’m sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.
Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? NOTHING! YOU’VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey’s uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can’t get the job done, then I will!
Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don’t mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
Let’s get back to the reason that we’re really here. Without much further ado, I give you the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good.
Who are you tryin’ to get crazy with, ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?
You know, I love modelling. I’d like to do this forever. When I’m 30, I hope I’m still modeling.
With what?!? Your male modeling?!? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?!? You’re dead to me boy. You’re more dead to me than your dead mother. I just thank the lord she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid.
Does being fat mean you’re a terrible person? I’m really asking you, Hansel.
I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many abodiginals do you see modeling?
I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys… we’re a different breed.
Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your *ss? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
You can read minds?
I wanted to create a new life for myself. I’m sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure, that my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, pop.
Be professionally good looking.
There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, “Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman”.
Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.
Don’t ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.
I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.
What is this? A center for ants?!
So I’m rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahhh ahhh, I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize “Holy sh*t, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head?”
Hi Derek! My name’s Little Cletus and I’m here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They’re silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!
I think they’re vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.
People come up to me all the time and say ‘you should be a model,’ or ‘you look just like a model,’ or ‘maybe you should try to be a man who models.’ And I always have to laugh because I’m so good looking. Of course, I’m a model.
Are you challenging me to a walk-off… Boo-Lander?
I couldn’t understand why I didn’t look like them. I just didn’t get it so I became, so, um, I became…Bulimic.
A eugoogoolizer…one who speaks at funerals…Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?
I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your ‘do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way’?
I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.
I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn’t get it right away!
You think that you’re too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite….you aren’t.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it!
Dammit Derek, I’m a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.
I’m not an ambi-turner. It’s a problem I had since I was a baby. I can’t turn left.
Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn’t mean that we still can’t not die in a freak gasolinefight accident.
Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.
By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It’s the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney’s. On sale!
Derek, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. It’s the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. I mean, what are your thoughts on that as someone who gets his picture taken for a living?
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.
You’re excused, and I’m not your bra!
This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.
Male models don’t think for themselves.
I’ve got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?
It’s a walk-off, it’s a walk-off.
Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
I felt like, “This guy’s really hurting me.” And it hurt.
One of my heroes I guess would be Sting. I mean, I don’t listen to any of his music, but I really respect that he’s making it.
You know what, can we just cut it out with all the Earth-tos, please?
I think I’ve got the black lung, pop.
You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb going on up there.
Listen, it’s not like we think that we’re actually in a control tower trying to reach outer space aliens or something. Okay?
Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful.
A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Obey my dog!